Most of us think we only need to worry about our partner’s boundaries (and we do!) but our own boundaries are equally as important. Just because your partner said they’d be willing to do/try a kink at one point doesn’t mean they’re stuck doing it forever. You might not know something is a limit of yours until you try that kink out. Dominants aren’t “weak” for setting boundaries for themselves. Submissives aren’t topping from the bottom when they tell you something is a hard or soft limit. Trust plays an important role in power exchange, and it’s earned in a variety of ways including respecting your partner’s limits and boundaries.īoth sides of the slash have the right to say, “I won’t do that” or “That’s not my thing” and then not feel pressured to do it. Your submissive doesn’t like being spanked? Don’t spank them. Your Dom doesn’t want to choke you? They don’t have to. It’s possible to consider something a hard limit until you learn more about it and then move it into the soft limit or enthusiastic yes categories. You never have to justify your hard limits to anyone. Hard limits are the kink activities you definitely won’t do. You’re not enthusiastic about it, and you might move it into the hard limit category later, but it’s not a firm no yet. Soft limits are the kink activities you’re not really sure about but might be willing to try. In general, we refer to limits in two ways: soft and hard. Looking for a BDSM checklist? Subscribe to our newsletter and we’ll send you one! Soft Limits vs Hard Limits Kinkly’s site is great for looking up info on the go and Kinktionary is a printed resource that can grow with you, giving you space to add new kinks as you learn about them. Two resources we recommend to get a quick and dirty definition of a kink: Kinkly’s sex terms and Kinktionary by Ignixia. You’ll find a ton of definitions and information online. (No checklist is a complete list because there’s always another kink to discover but a good one will list dozens of activities.)įor some people getting even a basic description is enough to know whether it’s a limit or not. The things you don’t recognize are the ones to learn more about. In one place, you get a big list of kinks. BDSM checklists are a great tool to help with this. If you don’t know what yours are yet, keep learning about all the different ways to play and get kinky. Everyone Has Limitsīeware the person who declares, “I have no limits!” What they’re really saying is, “I don’t know a lot about kink yet.” Everyone has limits, regardless of your kinky role or identity. Here are a few things to remember about limits in BDSM. Understanding and respecting each other’s limits helps your D/s relationship and kinky life move in the most positive direction possible. While it’s fun to focus on all the things you’re going to do together, it’s just as important to discuss what you won’t do. They’re an important part of the negotiation process for your power exchange and your kinky fuckery.

Limits in kink are the things you won’t do - for a variety of reasons.

Bdsm kink checklist